Cosplay and Parents.

[OtakuRose]

Cosplay is a mystery to parents. Some take it as a unique, rewarding hobby, and others see it as a money-and-time-wasting pointless activity. But for most of us, that won't let us down! So our discussion: is your family supportive of cosplay? Feel free to rant about why not, or encourage us on how you stick up for yourself.

My rant: My dad is very bipolar on the subject. At first he thought it was odd, but he stuck with my through my very first cosplay. But when we went to AWA, he was shocked at the people in cosplay! I was hoping it would convince him that I wasn't a crazy child. But when I suggested a second cosplay, he also agreed to help me. A few days later, however, he began to rant about how this hobby was a waste of money and time, and how I use my wigs and costumes only once and then store them. Discouraged, I let go of the idea. But a month later I finished Kid Icarus: Uprising, and found the inspiration to cosplay Dark Pit. The outfit looks pretty complicated, not to mention the hair and red eyes, and I feel that my dad will definitely complain again. Plus he might not like the idea of crossplaying. But I'm up for the challenge! So I really, really need some motivation to confront my dad about it. Or it could mean the end of my short cosplaying career. Help?

So go ahead and rant about your family ahead~

[Gale]

Well...while he may not like it, if you manage to make your costumes by yourself, spend only your own money (saved up and earmarked for hobbies & extracurriculars and leaving plenty left over for things you need), and not let it interfere with your other responsibilities he has no right to keep you from it. If however you are still fairly financially dependent on your parents and are spending their money and are avoiding things like jobs or schoolwork, then his anxiety may be reasonable.

I guess my point is try to go about it as responsibly as you can, and make sure to filter how you talk about the hobby to him. Do you procrastinate and get stressed out because things are left up to the last minute? Parents never like to see their kids upset like that. Do you complain about other negative aspects of the hobby in his presence? Again, this could stand out more in his mind.

Another tip is if it is a big enough issue...just find the courage to sit down and talk with him about it. Ask what exactly his concerns are and negotiate how you will keep things under control. Try to keep an open mind, especially if he isn't likely to. Also, point out the skills that you are gaining from this hobby. Things like patience and ingenuity that can transfer to any aspect of life. Or, more specifically, might sewing/costuming be something you would look into for a career? I have a friend who just landed a job as a bridal dressmaker and several others who have similar jobs. Also think about pointing out any amazing costumes you find in person or online and praise them with a critical eye.

I hope that helps. I've never had to deal with a problem like yours. I am VERY lucky and spend a lot of time reminding myself of it. My parents practically enable me into letting cosplay take over my life every last couple weeks/days before a convention. For example, they could have easily lectured me for giving up my shifts to a coworker the past two days, but instead they spent much of that time at my apartment helping me get my costume finished! I think a lot of that has to do with the fact it's so close to my career choice in theater that they don't see it as a problem, but still it does not make sense to me how understanding they are o_O;

[ArdisRossetti]

Try to keep an open mind, especially if he isn't likely to. Also, point out the skills that you are gaining from this hobby. Things like patience and ingenuity that can transfer to any aspect of life. Or, more specifically, might sewing/costuming be something you would look into for a career? I have a friend who just landed a job as a bridal dressmaker and several others who have similar jobs.

[ShadowYin-Yang]

I can't really relate due to my parents not caring so long as I'm not doing anything illegal.

But you can try and give him other examples of hobbies that are also time/money-wasters...like video games, Movie lovers, anything-that-requires-a-lesson, etc...And so long as it doesn't effect your school-work/job, he shouldn't have to worry about it. That's how my parents were with video games. The moment it starts effecting our (my brother and I) grades, they threaten to take our rights to play them away.

I also agree with the above suggestion about using your own money if you have a job(and get one if you can if you don't). Save and spend wisely. Show maturity and responsibility.

[ali]

My parents wavered on it for a while, before finally taking an interest. I first started when I was finishing up with high school and going into college, and I'm not sure they thought my efforts were worth the money and stress. But I got better, and started producing things they could appreciate, and I don't think they could really ignore my enthusiasm much more, and we started finding common ground with it.
I can talk about some historical costuming with my dad, who takes an interest in that kind of thing. And my mom will every so often latch onto particular designs and projects of mine that she really likes (my Howl coat, Hotohori embroidery, and Ariel ballgown are some of her favorites). She also appreciates my efforts to make my projects durable and wearable.
They both really appreciate what I've been doing the last couple years, and being able to get nice photos and videos to share with them has helped.

So really, once I was sure I wasn't going to give this up anytime soon, it was just a matter of finding some intersection with their interests.

[Shadows Mask]

I have been cosplaying since 2008, my dad is cool with it, my mum on the other hand hates it. She thinks it is a waste of time and mone, believes I work on costumes instead of doing stuff for my work, which is NOT true. She also hates the fact I prefer to cosplay males and when I do cosplay females she doesn't like the outfit I choose. Never really likes the photos after a photoshoot...I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I just don't talk to her about it anymore, which kind of sucks.

[heartoftorchwood]

My parents are so-so on cosplay. They seem to be in awe of my latest project, Merida from Brave. I'm sewing it by hand (I don't own a sewing machine), but my mum does not approve of my wig...says it's silly and so on. She also thinks it's a waste of money (I mostly cosplay Doctor Who/Torchwood, so the silliness of the costumes have yet to come into it). My dad is cool with cosplay, in fact, he often talks about cosplaying one of the Doctors from Doctor Who at a con with me, but thinks my cosplay meet ups are silly. He also thinks it's a waste of money (aside from the dress and wig...I've bought things for props).

My grandmother is completely cool with it. She shared my enthusiasm about my wig, helps me when she can (she bought me some of the things I needed for Amy Pond and told me about her dressmaker when I said I was about to make Merida's dress) and supports every step of this dress making process.

[Kangapal]

Hi! I am the parent of a cosplayer. My youngest daughter got me hooked on Manga books about three years ago. Since then we have attended AWA (3 years), Momocon and Japanfest. I am the one that makes her costumes for the conventions, etc. The first year we went to AWA I didn't go in a costume, I felt very out of place. I love making costumes, so being able to see so many amazing costumes got me hooked on going to the conventions. This year I am attempting to go as Grell Suitcliff. I have not yet tried a wig, which is how I found Arda wigs. I just have to figure out which wig and which red is right for Grell. I have several things that I am working on for my daughter too. I guess because I have always been around costumes, I don't have a problem with cosplaying. It is just another form of acting....

[repto]

Suggestions for resistant parents:

-find a time when no one is stressed out to have a conversation. Bad times: after a long work day when everyone is tired, 1 day before a convention and you are still trying to finish up your cosplay. Good time: when you are sitting around shooting the breeze (after a meal? on the front porch? in front of the tv?) Neutral time: in a car (this can be a wonderful time, but there is no escape route if tempers flare, so choose wisely).

-keep calm. Use a low, comfortable, relaxed tone of voice.

-ask the question: why do you dislike my doing cosplay so much? And then *actually listen to their responses* without getting angry. Pause. Take a deep breath. DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE. Think of a quiet, rational explanation for why you do it that counteracts their argument. Dad: "You spend too much money on cosplay!" Child: "Dad, I use my own funds to do this. And it keeps me both quietly and happily occupied. Think of the alternatives... I'm not doing drugs. I'm not going out drinking. I'm not sleeping around. Not only that, but I'm learning all sorts of things. I now know all about medieval Scotland having done my research for that Merida costume. Did you know that kilts were originally blankets that were wrapped around the body and not skirts? And that each tartan represents a particular family or clan in Scotland? Plus, I'm getting really good a sewing. Cosplay allows me to explore my creative side. I even get to meet great friends from all over the world."
You get the idea.

-strongly encourage them to come to a Con with you (for ONE day... don't overwhelm them with a huge convention for 4 days!) Try to line up friends to act as ringers for enhancing the experience, i.e. have them introduce themselves politely, make sure they are enthusiastic about cosplay, showcase how clean cut you guys are, etc. Don't spend 6 hours wandering the vendor's hall; take them to some workshops (esp. if they are about making cosplay costumes on the cheap!)

-take them to a masquerade or costume competition show

-randomly offer to mend your dad's pants, socks, pocket, missing buttons, etc so you can showcase your new found sewing abilities.

-try to get your dad (or mom) to watch some anime with you--preferably a complete movie and not a series, at least at first. Talk about the artistic qualities, or read a critical review before you watch. I good choice might be something from Studio Ghibli (you can read Roger Ebert's favorable reviews before starting).

Hope this helps--
Jane <---mom to 3 cosplayers and wife to another